General Profile: Perhaps the most formidable foe you can face this side of Alan Cunningham, Jackie O. Blivious will eat you alive if you are not careful to think about poker in the most basic terms. And please, let's be clear here: we truly do mean the most basic level. She's not thinking third level. She's not even thinking first level. So if you try something foolish, like semi-bluffing with a strong drawing hand, or getting all your chips in the middle with 98% of the best of it, she will utterly demolish you with her middle pair ninth kicker or one of her two outs.
Natural Habitat: Jackie can be found in the second and third hours of MTTs. Also the first hour. Also the final table.
Strengths: Completely oblivious.
Weaknesses: Completely oblivious.
Motto: OMG, poker is easy!
Favorite Hand: Well, K4 has a King in it, that's pretty high. I call!
In the iPod: American Idol's Greatest Hits
Hobbies: Limping, calling, winning.
Care & Feeding: It is of utmost importance to remember that Jackie O. Blivious is to be considered extremely dangerous. You must take care to:
(1) Only bet when you want to be called. Jackie is unbluffable.
(2) Not even bet then. Jackie is so lucky it is silly.
It is recommended that you wait for the nuts or the second nuts, nothing worse. Then push push push push. But take a Valium first, so you're chill in case she sucks out.
The best thing you can do with Jackie is to try to confuse her. If she thinks she's playing some other game, you may have a chance.
Example:
Jackie O. Blivious wins pot ($14,200) with two pair, nines and twos.
Hero: Wow, nice hand there. Were you playing for the high or the low?
Jackie O. Blivious: The what?
Hero: You know, the best hand or the worst hand
Jackie O. Blivious: Um . . . why would I play for the worst hand??????
Hero: This is High Low Split Hold 'Em, worst hand splits the pot with high.
Hero: You got high and low that time.
Jackie O. Blivious: I did?
Hero: Come on, you know this, you're destroying.
Jackie O. Blivious: No, what are you talking about??
Hero: You had a straight and the golden cheese wheel (that's poker speak for high low with a wired 7 high hand)
Jackie O. Blivious: Wow, you are tripping me out!!
Jackie O. Blivious: Well, how do you play for the low?
Hero: 23 offsuit is the best hand if you are going for the low split. Ace King is still obv. best for the high?
Jackie O. Blivious: What about Ace Ace?
Hero: Not as many straight possibilities, you want that King, it's like cowbell.
Jackie O. Blivious: Oh.
Hero: Just get 23o and jam, it's great. You'll be called by some donk and you might get the straight too.
Hero: But the one eyed Jack wild card doesn't count toward your low, so don't use it.
Jackie O. Blivious: Wild card?
Hero: Right, it's unusable for the low except as part of a full house better than tens full of nines.
Once you have suitably confused Jackie, you will be immediately moved to another table, which is for the best.
4 comments:
I should really start incorporating "it's like cowbell" into my every day speech.
I have a Jackie O. in my monthly home games. There is no way to take her out. And the more she drinks the luckier she gets. I am just waiting for the next time she gets pregnant and can't drink for 9 months. Unbluffable? Damn straight!
Is there actually a benefit to confused rather than oblivious? Seems like a lot of effort for no net difference. Confused or oblivious, she's still lucky beyond belief and still unbluffable.
Patch has just made an extremely important point. The rest of you would do well to follow his example.
There are only slight benefits to confusing Jackie O. Blivious, and none of them relate to poker. These benefits are:
1) You are less likely to play any hands if you are typing furiously.
2) Jackie is less likely to play any hands if she is typing furiously.
3) It's kind of fun.
4) MAYBE you will somehow throw off the Godzilla levels of radioactive fate-stomping that she is putting off.
5) Probably not.
Patch is available as a poker tutor to the rest of you students. Study him. Learn from him.
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